she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
