Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize