And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
