finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
