It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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