well I can't set my house on fire every night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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