I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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