my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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