I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
