I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
