non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
