Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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