SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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