the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's blow job season.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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