I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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