dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The chlamydia really affected his face.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
