I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
