I must be too annoying 4 u.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
