i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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