I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
