He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
