We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
