I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize