Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
