i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
