Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
