HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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