mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
