So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
