Whod you bang
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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