dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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