Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
