Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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