I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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