There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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