i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
