Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
