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And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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