I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I deserve this hangover.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
