my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
