i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
