who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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