I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
