apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
