I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
