Sry I called you an 8
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
