We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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