Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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