who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
