He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
