he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
