i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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