i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize