it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
