No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
