Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
