Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
