I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
