We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
