Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
