Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
