you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize