I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
