Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
