hotel room ftw
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
