and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
