Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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