i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
