it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
