He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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