I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
