I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
