I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize