i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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