sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
