Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
