he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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