yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
