I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
