Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Randomize
