Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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