Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
