maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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