Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
