I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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