I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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