bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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