Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize