when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
