So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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