Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
