so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
