I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
