i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
