He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize