shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
