so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
