i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
