What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
