WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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