You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
